Your Name is Your Name
The story of your name and how to answer when people play stupid games.
I want to thank one of my subscribers, Julissa, for asking me via Instagram to write about why we chose the name Myles. It reminds me that these words are not being cast into the void and that they might be questions Myles asks me in the future. Moving forward, at the end of each post, I’d love to invite you to sit down, albeit virtually, and share your thoughts, ask questions, and answer a question or two. As always, thank you for reading. A big shoutout to Rachel, Alix, and the author of Fallible Father for actively joining the conversation in the comment section every week. Thank you so much!
9 Weeks Old
Dear Myles,
Pusha T is one of my favorite rap artists. Although I personally can never relate to or have ever indulged in any of what he chooses to rap about, there's something about the way he strings his metaphors and the passion behind his punchlines that leaves me with the same face I make when your diaper is full. Ten years ago, he released an album I can vividly remember playing on repeat when I was pulling all-nighters during my undergrad at the University at Buffalo: "My Name is My Name." Now, almost a decade later, I find myself writing a letter to you, my son, about your name.
You were conceived in central Ethiopia, where we spent six months. I served as an English teacher, and Mommy was the Community Life Director at a school in a small city called Debre Birhan. Quickly, we connected with the community on campus, especially the kids. Never have I met such a beautiful group of children in my life who genuinely wanted better for their country and our planet. When those students become leaders, the world will become a better place.
The students we met in Ethiopia revived my love for teaching after being emotionally drained during the pandemic; they also held a strong affinity for God and learning.During the mandatory nightly study hours, the students would split-screen their iPads; on one side, they played these beautiful hymns on YouTube, and on the other, they diligently worked on their schoolwork. They embraced the straightforward adage that every teacher dreams about when entering the classroom: Education is the pathway to the future.
During our time in Ethiopia, we discovered that the culture surrounding naming differed significantly from what we're accustomed to here in the United States. Ethiopian naming conventions generally have the following format: [personal name] [father’s personal name]. To put it simply, if we were in Ethiopia, your name would be Myles Marc. Clearly, we didn't follow the Ethiopian naming convention when we thought of your name. In fact—and I'm not sure if I should be sharing this with you—we had a secret hope for a girl. We became so close with one of the students in Ethiopia that we were going to name you after her –Nuhamin. In Amharic, Nuhamin means "a gift from God that brings happiness to all." This name would serve as a reminder to us that God is able. But "Man plans, and God laughs," and our intention to name you Nuhamin quickly faded away.
When we found out you were a boy, Mommy was adamant about nicknaming you "M.J." I was adamant about not making you a junior and bearing my name. I know all too well what it means to have to walk in footsteps and wear shoes you didn’t necessarily ask for. I'd rather call you any name that starts with an "M," but not my own—mango included. I never wanted you to have to live in my shadow, so the name ‘Marc’ was out the window.
Mommy scoured the internet; we landed on Moriah and Myles. We loved the name Moriah, but worried people would muddle the vowels in their mouths and mistakenly call you Mariah. We wanted to spare you that as well. Mommy and I have both spent our adult lives trying to correct people when it comes to our own names. To alleviate my own burden, I introduce myself as "Hello, my name is Marc with a C." As for Mommy, we’ve encountered every imaginable spelling of Maya—it’s a challenge we try our best not to attribute to anyone's literacy skills.We can’t miss a beat when we place our orders at Starbucks.
So we landed on Myles, and the only thing remaining was the letter "J." The idea of making you a junior was dismissed. Your great grandmother, my grandmother, is 93 years old and still going strong. I hope you'll have the opportunity to meet her when we visit her in Jersey this November. I'm sorry; it wasn't intentional, and we did our best. We've continued the tradition by naming you after her: Julienne. We've already encountered a slew of unsolicited feedback after we’ve already signed your birth certificate of family members suggesting that your name should be Julian instead of Julienne. My favorite one is from a not so close Aunt after I texted her you were born:
"People say stupid things and win stupid prizes" - I left her "on read." We could have gone with the more masculine version with a little less characters – but it would only be for the ease of others; what fun would that be? Just like the Ethiopians, we want you to know where you come from. I hope when people play the game with you as to why we spelled your name the "girl way," you respond with the valor of ten Pusha T’s and say, “My Name is My Name.”
Listen, Myles, you are a Black child - welcome to a beautiful world of love but also resistance. Your first fight, before you understand what it means to be Black in this country, is getting people to spell your name right. Maybe you'll introduce yourself already anticipating the fault in the tongue of others like I do: "Hello, my name is Myles with a Y."
(Would you believe - after all that work in naming you M.J mommy insists on calling you “Pootie Pants”).
Love,
Daddy
And if you’re on Substack Notes, please select your favorite line from this letter and hit that“Restack” button.
Let me know your thoughts
Ever had your name cause you any hilarious mix-ups or amusing misunderstandings?
If you could rename yourself or someone else, what name would you choose and why?
For parents out there: How did you decide on your child's name? What factors influenced your choice?
What was the most recent country you traveled to?
When’s the last time a family member said something stupid?
I want to credit Situation normal for the comment and restack section idea. Love his writing.
Love the middle name. Our son's is Carroll, after his grandmother. Much love to that.
Love this and beautiful name! Too many name mixups to count, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.