Wow, thank you for bringing the ability lens to this. I did not think about that. I'm so appreciative of you sharing this and being here. I was glad my vulnerability opened you up to something new. It's a reminder for me to keep showing up. Again, thank you!
While at a birthday party as a child growing up in Columbus, Ohio, I remember screams suddenly emanating from the pool area where the gathering was being held. I then recall seeing two men dive into the deep end of the pool and pull the lifeless body of a young girl out of the water. Witnessing that traumatic situation unfold created a fear of swimming for me that continues to this day.
My brother, thank you for sharing that here. I wish that never happened and makes perfect sense. That fear is so valid. Wishing us healing and courage for ourselves, and others. Appreciate you for reading.
I really try to leave readers with a little more. Sometimes our experiences are really rooted in some mess. Just trying to give folks context. Not homework lol! Thank you for reading!
Thanks again Marc for sharing Kerra’s work and now I’ve been able to read your work and can relate to many of your experiences. I experienced the same in PR when the guide said you will be left behind if you do no go through all the water falls and I was proud of myself to do it with the life jacket. I to have set on the sidelines of the pool or beach plenty of times but it’s time to gain more confidence and comfort in the water. Thank you for sharing.
On Kerra’s work:
I watched the documentary before reading this piece and before clicking on the writer, Kerra Bolton’s Substack page. Here is the comment I shared on the YouTube documentary, as I see it fitting here: Wow wow wow!!! I had an aura reading and was told I’m meant to be in the water. I am planning to take swim lessons this year after years of saying I’d do so. My fears similar to yours that are embedded in my bones. This was powerful. Firstly because you are taking back what has always been yours, I just imagine our ancestors once swimming in the same waters that would later take them. Another thing that stands out is the different backgrounds that are assisting you in your healing and how profound that is in its own way. Whew! I still have chills, thank you for sharing this testimony. *I’m making my swimming lessons this week, it’s time!*
Janel, thank you for reading here. That doc Kerra shared shook me to the core. Thank you for sharing and reading. I am committed to starting soon! Sometimes things are easier to write about than facing it. But it is time!
Oof I too have a love/hate relationship with the water. I just barely know how to swim. Would I be of any use to my kid if something were to happen to her in the water? I shudder at the thought. Beautiful words that made me viscerally remember a fear I too have.
One day, I hope you give us a peek behind the curtain. Your words are as soft and melodious as molasses and I for one would love to learn how you wield them so well.
Sri, thank you for your vulnerability and kind words. I wish I could explain my process. I sat on this one for some months and just coming back to it. When I think about these, I find that sometimes the words fine me, and I capture them in voice notes. I really love poetry and that was where I first learned to really express myself. Thank you again for reading - means lot.
When I read Heather McGhee's The Sum of Us I can't say I was surprised by her account of the damage racism has wrought on America, the cost. But I was still shocked by the stories of swimming pools filled with concrete in response to desegregation. There is just such madness in that act, and on such a grand scale. Every child should be taught to swim. My dad was a teacher and school administrator his whole career, but the first thing he taught was swimming. He was the soon of poor Irish immigrants in our city's poorest neighborhood. I don't know where he learned to swim, but he was the strongest, most graceful swimmer I ever saw. The water loved him. He was so dedicated to teaching the kids in his neighborhood how to swim because he knew how many of them would work on fishing and lobstering boats, on the waterfront and ferries. He taught swimming for the Red Cross for years and I still meet people who were taught by him. There's no shame in not knowing how to swim, only shame for a nation that has made it so hard for poor kids and children of color to learn. But it's never too late. My mom always told me "the water wants to hold you up. You just have to let it." You can do it. 💙
" There's no shame in not knowing how to swim, only shame for a nation that has made it so hard for poor kids and children of color to learn." These words! I found the words of your mother so warming, Thank you, Tara!
Beautiful, vulnerable piece, thank you for sharing it. In my 20s I taught swimming in NYC. I had grown up swimming and was amazed at how many adults didn't learn to swim as children. I realized my privilege at that point. It's never too late to learn. To me, swimming is freedom, meditation, ease. One of my yoga students is learning to swim at age 55. He still fears drowning, even though he can easily swim the full length of the pool. Fear is a tough one to battle, but you don't want to pass your fear down to your son. For me, swimming is also a life skill. Something to ponder.
Yes life skill indeed. I know for me it’s an ego. I know I need to be in safe place. Frankly, I don’t want to look like a fool on water. I know it’s silly, but that’s part of it for me.
And that completely makes sense. Leaning anything as an adult is really hard. Swimming has that "I don't want to die" element layered on top of the basic mechanics. You'll do it when you are ready. Maybe you and Myles can do it together.
I appreciate always your honesty & heart in these letters. I also appreciate my mother putting us in swim lessons as a child so we could always at least tread water long enough until someone saves us. I put our son in swim lessons the same week he turned 6mo old and only then learned that my husband doesn’t know how to swim swim. I’m looking forward to watching them both become strong swimmers so that they can save themselves or each other if need be. I personally love being in the water be it a bath or shallow pool or kayaking over a lake. I do believe being in water requires being intuitive about how you feel in it and the energetic force of that water even outside of learning the basics of swimming. Wishing you well!
"The waters that I almost died in for leisure are the same waters that drowned our ancestors; some by force, some for freedom."
My goodness. You've taken my breath away with this one, Marc. Thank you for your honesty and your vulnerability, and your beautiful writing, as always.
My relationship with water is one of wonder. It soothes me and comforts me and excites me. I learned to swim at a young age and so did my kids, but I have had a few terrifying moments when they were learning where I had to jump in to the lake or the pool and pull them out. Sometimes I was the one who got to them. Other times, it was an older nephew or niece before me, or their daddy.
Until about a year ago, every time they went into the water, I was on tenterhooks at least a little. My mother never learned to swim, and through my childhood I didn't even consider the privilege or think about that more deeply. She loves the water, but the water doesn't love her, so she stays in the shallow end of where her feet can touch the bottom of the lake or the sea.
My sisters and I would take kayaks on the lake and paddle as far as we could go, sometimes to the other side. We would test ourselves by starting at the beach and swimming as far as we could, for as long as we could, without a second thought. What a privilege. So many we never consider until someone turns our attention to these blessings.
I have a terrible fear of heights. I constantly think I am going to fall and die, or my family will fall and die, or my boys will fall over the edge of a balcony, or our car will fly over a bridge, or or or. It's debilitating.
Friend, thanks for sharing. Heights, I love the thrill. My wife has told me I can never try skydiving. Interesting how we all have our things. Appreciate you, as always.
This resonates with me I am a terrible swimmer and it has stopped me taking my kids swimming. We’ve been once. I blame covid because we couldn’t get to the pool, I told everyone I wanted to teach my son but when they opened the pools again I have stayed clear. The fear is too much.
this was such a beautiful read Marc! also very well timed for me i have to say, i had a frightening dream last night where i watched a loved one drown themself. i really resonated with this piece and think that we all need to learn how to swim through life!
Until I was in my 30s, it never occurred to me that learning to swim was yet another white privilege I'd taken for granted my whole life. That's also how old I was when my children were born, and we bartered work for rent, and lived in a place surrounded by water. I knew my kids' lives depended on teaching them to swim. There were stories every year of local men who worked the water for a living but never learned to swim. One mishap, and the story ended in tragedy.
Deep breaths. The air is here for you. Fear can shackle us. It can also motivate us. I hope Myles can help you find your way to the latter.
(Also, flying cockroaches. Or, dang -- just cockroaches, flying or not. 😱)
You wrote this with such vulnerability, Marc. Thank you. I understand this particular terror; so many of us do. Black folks in the diaspora have a complicated relationship to the water, because it was the vehicle of our death, displacement and enslavement; because hateful folks chose to fill community pools rather than desegregate them; because the water is wild. But we also surf off the coast of Senegal (I believe surfing originated in West Africa), we skin dive for fish in Jamaica. We do this and more, and the ocean and water belongs to us as much as anyone. Here's to our bravery and reclamation. To healing ourselves and showing our children their inheritances.
Sharifa, thank you. You brought up so many thoughts for me in this comments. I'm thinking about how things we've enjoyed and way of life, historically, have now been sources of trauma for us. Our ancestors were the first gardeners, way before they were forced to labor. Indeed - here's to reclamation. I appreciate you as always for your insightful words.
Wow, thank you for bringing the ability lens to this. I did not think about that. I'm so appreciative of you sharing this and being here. I was glad my vulnerability opened you up to something new. It's a reminder for me to keep showing up. Again, thank you!
While at a birthday party as a child growing up in Columbus, Ohio, I remember screams suddenly emanating from the pool area where the gathering was being held. I then recall seeing two men dive into the deep end of the pool and pull the lifeless body of a young girl out of the water. Witnessing that traumatic situation unfold created a fear of swimming for me that continues to this day.
My brother, thank you for sharing that here. I wish that never happened and makes perfect sense. That fear is so valid. Wishing us healing and courage for ourselves, and others. Appreciate you for reading.
Have you read Ta Nehisi Coates novel? Water Dancer. Maybe I have mentioned it before.
1. Love water but have respect for it.
2. Fear yes… try to face it or aboid it. It doesn’t always work
3. Do you sometimes feel like you're drowning? Yes.
4. Fear of writing has gone.
5. Did you know there’s a historical experiences and social context in Black communities about the fear of water? Yes.
Love this homework btw… last week’s done too but it didn’t register on page… :(
I really try to leave readers with a little more. Sometimes our experiences are really rooted in some mess. Just trying to give folks context. Not homework lol! Thank you for reading!
It was a compliment.
Thanks again Marc for sharing Kerra’s work and now I’ve been able to read your work and can relate to many of your experiences. I experienced the same in PR when the guide said you will be left behind if you do no go through all the water falls and I was proud of myself to do it with the life jacket. I to have set on the sidelines of the pool or beach plenty of times but it’s time to gain more confidence and comfort in the water. Thank you for sharing.
On Kerra’s work:
I watched the documentary before reading this piece and before clicking on the writer, Kerra Bolton’s Substack page. Here is the comment I shared on the YouTube documentary, as I see it fitting here: Wow wow wow!!! I had an aura reading and was told I’m meant to be in the water. I am planning to take swim lessons this year after years of saying I’d do so. My fears similar to yours that are embedded in my bones. This was powerful. Firstly because you are taking back what has always been yours, I just imagine our ancestors once swimming in the same waters that would later take them. Another thing that stands out is the different backgrounds that are assisting you in your healing and how profound that is in its own way. Whew! I still have chills, thank you for sharing this testimony. *I’m making my swimming lessons this week, it’s time!*
Janel, thank you for reading here. That doc Kerra shared shook me to the core. Thank you for sharing and reading. I am committed to starting soon! Sometimes things are easier to write about than facing it. But it is time!
I think this is your best work so far. You point how the love for our children infects with a shot of new found bravery to do for them.
Stan, thank you so much! That means a lot.
It’s when we have the most courage - for me, no doubt.
So beautiful Marc, the terror is real! My daughter's boyfriend took swimming lessons for the first time last year (age 30) and he is so glad he did.
It's time for me to step in the deep end. Thank you Deirdre!
Oof I too have a love/hate relationship with the water. I just barely know how to swim. Would I be of any use to my kid if something were to happen to her in the water? I shudder at the thought. Beautiful words that made me viscerally remember a fear I too have.
One day, I hope you give us a peek behind the curtain. Your words are as soft and melodious as molasses and I for one would love to learn how you wield them so well.
Sri, thank you for your vulnerability and kind words. I wish I could explain my process. I sat on this one for some months and just coming back to it. When I think about these, I find that sometimes the words fine me, and I capture them in voice notes. I really love poetry and that was where I first learned to really express myself. Thank you again for reading - means lot.
When I read Heather McGhee's The Sum of Us I can't say I was surprised by her account of the damage racism has wrought on America, the cost. But I was still shocked by the stories of swimming pools filled with concrete in response to desegregation. There is just such madness in that act, and on such a grand scale. Every child should be taught to swim. My dad was a teacher and school administrator his whole career, but the first thing he taught was swimming. He was the soon of poor Irish immigrants in our city's poorest neighborhood. I don't know where he learned to swim, but he was the strongest, most graceful swimmer I ever saw. The water loved him. He was so dedicated to teaching the kids in his neighborhood how to swim because he knew how many of them would work on fishing and lobstering boats, on the waterfront and ferries. He taught swimming for the Red Cross for years and I still meet people who were taught by him. There's no shame in not knowing how to swim, only shame for a nation that has made it so hard for poor kids and children of color to learn. But it's never too late. My mom always told me "the water wants to hold you up. You just have to let it." You can do it. 💙
" There's no shame in not knowing how to swim, only shame for a nation that has made it so hard for poor kids and children of color to learn." These words! I found the words of your mother so warming, Thank you, Tara!
Beautiful, vulnerable piece, thank you for sharing it. In my 20s I taught swimming in NYC. I had grown up swimming and was amazed at how many adults didn't learn to swim as children. I realized my privilege at that point. It's never too late to learn. To me, swimming is freedom, meditation, ease. One of my yoga students is learning to swim at age 55. He still fears drowning, even though he can easily swim the full length of the pool. Fear is a tough one to battle, but you don't want to pass your fear down to your son. For me, swimming is also a life skill. Something to ponder.
Yes life skill indeed. I know for me it’s an ego. I know I need to be in safe place. Frankly, I don’t want to look like a fool on water. I know it’s silly, but that’s part of it for me.
And that completely makes sense. Leaning anything as an adult is really hard. Swimming has that "I don't want to die" element layered on top of the basic mechanics. You'll do it when you are ready. Maybe you and Myles can do it together.
I appreciate always your honesty & heart in these letters. I also appreciate my mother putting us in swim lessons as a child so we could always at least tread water long enough until someone saves us. I put our son in swim lessons the same week he turned 6mo old and only then learned that my husband doesn’t know how to swim swim. I’m looking forward to watching them both become strong swimmers so that they can save themselves or each other if need be. I personally love being in the water be it a bath or shallow pool or kayaking over a lake. I do believe being in water requires being intuitive about how you feel in it and the energetic force of that water even outside of learning the basics of swimming. Wishing you well!
I’m trying to be like Carrington in the water when I grow up 🏊🏾♀️🏊🏾♀️🏊🏾♀️ lol thank you for reading!
"The waters that I almost died in for leisure are the same waters that drowned our ancestors; some by force, some for freedom."
My goodness. You've taken my breath away with this one, Marc. Thank you for your honesty and your vulnerability, and your beautiful writing, as always.
My relationship with water is one of wonder. It soothes me and comforts me and excites me. I learned to swim at a young age and so did my kids, but I have had a few terrifying moments when they were learning where I had to jump in to the lake or the pool and pull them out. Sometimes I was the one who got to them. Other times, it was an older nephew or niece before me, or their daddy.
Until about a year ago, every time they went into the water, I was on tenterhooks at least a little. My mother never learned to swim, and through my childhood I didn't even consider the privilege or think about that more deeply. She loves the water, but the water doesn't love her, so she stays in the shallow end of where her feet can touch the bottom of the lake or the sea.
My sisters and I would take kayaks on the lake and paddle as far as we could go, sometimes to the other side. We would test ourselves by starting at the beach and swimming as far as we could, for as long as we could, without a second thought. What a privilege. So many we never consider until someone turns our attention to these blessings.
I have a terrible fear of heights. I constantly think I am going to fall and die, or my family will fall and die, or my boys will fall over the edge of a balcony, or our car will fly over a bridge, or or or. It's debilitating.
Friend, thanks for sharing. Heights, I love the thrill. My wife has told me I can never try skydiving. Interesting how we all have our things. Appreciate you, as always.
OMG I have told my son the same thing. Utter terror for me.
This resonates with me I am a terrible swimmer and it has stopped me taking my kids swimming. We’ve been once. I blame covid because we couldn’t get to the pool, I told everyone I wanted to teach my son but when they opened the pools again I have stayed clear. The fear is too much.
The fear is very understandable. Someone mentioned here in the community not too long ago learning to swim together could be an option!
Definitely. I guess I worry that the fear of it will be obvious? Contagious almost Feel the same about flying.
this was such a beautiful read Marc! also very well timed for me i have to say, i had a frightening dream last night where i watched a loved one drown themself. i really resonated with this piece and think that we all need to learn how to swim through life!
I’m sorry to hear about your nightmare. Wishing the same for us all. ❤️
Until I was in my 30s, it never occurred to me that learning to swim was yet another white privilege I'd taken for granted my whole life. That's also how old I was when my children were born, and we bartered work for rent, and lived in a place surrounded by water. I knew my kids' lives depended on teaching them to swim. There were stories every year of local men who worked the water for a living but never learned to swim. One mishap, and the story ended in tragedy.
Deep breaths. The air is here for you. Fear can shackle us. It can also motivate us. I hope Myles can help you find your way to the latter.
(Also, flying cockroaches. Or, dang -- just cockroaches, flying or not. 😱)
Thanks for holding space for me Elizabeth ❤️
Never be a mishap.
But Yes, I mean just look at this emoji 🪳 - makes my skin crawl 😂
I need you to know that I had a VERY hard time liking that comment. 😬
I really had a HARD time chossing that emoji lol!
You wrote this with such vulnerability, Marc. Thank you. I understand this particular terror; so many of us do. Black folks in the diaspora have a complicated relationship to the water, because it was the vehicle of our death, displacement and enslavement; because hateful folks chose to fill community pools rather than desegregate them; because the water is wild. But we also surf off the coast of Senegal (I believe surfing originated in West Africa), we skin dive for fish in Jamaica. We do this and more, and the ocean and water belongs to us as much as anyone. Here's to our bravery and reclamation. To healing ourselves and showing our children their inheritances.
Sharifa, thank you. You brought up so many thoughts for me in this comments. I'm thinking about how things we've enjoyed and way of life, historically, have now been sources of trauma for us. Our ancestors were the first gardeners, way before they were forced to labor. Indeed - here's to reclamation. I appreciate you as always for your insightful words.