I want to give a shout-out to
, the newest paid subscriber to Raising Myles! Fun fact: Rachel and I have been friends for over 15 years. She is also the person who introduced me to Leek Mills. Thank you, Leek Mills!16 Weeks Old
Dear Myles,
It's one of those nights, and you're in my arms. I'm holding you, not carrying you. We've been here before. I told myself, this time, I would be without a phone, without an alarm, and without the self-critique, examining: Did I do enough as a dad today? Tonight, I declare, I will be present.
We are in your room, sitting in the glider. I've held you and rocked you to sleep. I speak life over you out loud, for you and all the angels, before heaven and hell, to hear:
You are brilliant, you are intelligent, you are handsome, you are beautiful.
I say it over and over again, daring anyone or anything, be it in flesh or spirit, to try to disagree. I repeat it until I'm certain that every cell in your body is convinced that they alone can conquer the planet. I love you so much, a love that transcends any human constraint. In these moments, I no longer feel tired; in these moments, I no longer feel doubt. And even for a second, I fear nothing, for love has cast out fear.
You are brilliant, you are intelligent, you are handsome, you are beautiful.
I'm grateful for this love. I've only read about this type of love in the Bible. It's the love where one can do no wrong because perfect love casts out logic. It's the kind of love that holds nothing back because perfect love casts out guilt. I am holding Paul's letter of love to the church of Corinth in my arms, his words lying across my arms, breathing its manifestation: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud... Love never fails."
Because I have you, I understand, just a little, about the mystery of godliness. I see a little more clearly the love God has for humanity, a love so great that He would sacrifice His son, His only beloved son. But I would never sacrifice you for anything—only anything for you. Perhaps, this is what makes God’s love so precious, so different, that He declares, “My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” I pray that He never asks of me what He asked of Abraham. My faith, not even a viable mustard seed, is not there yet. It is something I need to pray about.
You are brilliant, you are intelligent, you are handsome, you are beautiful.
This affirmation made me pull out my phone and write this letter even though I told you this time would not be like the last time - this time I would hold you, not carry you. But I still reached for it under my lap. You began to stir and contort your body just a little - your way of telling me, 'Daddy, I am comfortable here. Stay still.' The critique and guilt seep back into my mind as I type.
As you sleep in my arms, I'm holding you and carrying you. I'm taking these moments, these letters, so at least when you grow up, you will remember there were days I used to carry you.
You are brilliant, you are intelligent, you are handsome, you are beautiful.
Love,
Daddy
And if you’re on Substack Notes, please select your favorite line from this letter and hit that“Restack” button.
Let me know your thoughts:
Do you have a favorite Bible verse/quote that grounds you when you are feeling 🤪?
What are some ways you try to balance self-critique and guilt as a parent? How do you manage these feelings when they arise?
Do you find it difficult to stay present and free from distractions?
Random: Did you watch the Canelo and Charlo fight last night?
Want more of Myles’ Letters?
Read the first time I wrote about this - Carrying You While Holding on?
Read why we decided to call Myles, Myles.
Read about Our first Father’s Day.
Or how about one about his father’s hairline or lack thereof?
This was beautiful. I recite Psalms 131 (ESV) or Psalms 23 whenever I am in a funk. And it is definitely hard to stay present, so I pray and get into affirmations whenever I need to center myself. Peace and blessings bro
What a benediction. Hard to breathe just reading it.